Fear doesn't live here....

"Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will"

I used to be a fearful person. Everything scared me. Fear of rejection, fear of failing, fear of being laughed at, fear of really expressing myself without any filters. Fear of being good enough. Fear of swimming- water scared me immensely.Even fear of something as mundane as driving. Yes I was terrified, once I got a hold of the steering wheel, I felt comfortable till I saw another car approaching. Sometimes it felt more like paranoia and quite irrational at times. Did not stop the waves of fear from taking over me though. I knew fear and it paralyzed me for a long time.
You see sometimes the fear of not being accepted made me hold back so much so that some people thought I was a snob. Fear does this thing to you where you start to think maybe I'm not good enough. You may very well be the smartest/prettiest girl/guy  in the room but if you do not believe it yourself, nothing anyone says is going to make you believe it.
Sometimes I willed it away. And it left, momentarily that is... It always came back. I remember this one time my mom was returning from a trip and asked me to arrange a cab for her. I thought to myself when there's a perfectly good car parked outside? Without giving it a thought, I grabbed the keys, and next thing I know, I'm driving out to pick my mom from the airport. I did.not.give.it.a.thought. Fear thrives on self doubt. When you constantly think about your inadequacies, what you're doing wrong, how much you've failed e.t,c... It immobilizes you. And you're unable to see past your self inflicted diagnosis. Rather than recount all the things you have gotten right, how much you've grown, what you've achieved however little, fear holds you down in a stagnant box. And you find yourself riddled with hopelessness and despair. That was me for a while.

And then something happened to me. I read this bible verse, " God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of Love and of a Sound mind". Like a lightbulb moment I realized, if this fearful spirit is not of God, then where is it from?! I absolutely do not need it. And I began to not just pray it away, but actively, consciously fight it. It didn't wake up and just leave me. No, it was a long painful
process. Sometimes I felt myself falling back into those fearful patterns of, do I really need to go out? Maybe I'll just hold my peace and not say how he/she wronged me, and all other fear filled thoughts. Then I'll remind myself of this " Fear not, for I am with you, even to the end of time". You see, when the bible says the name of The Lord is a strong tower,  it is indeed. Those who call upon him are saved.
"Say to those who are fearful hearted, do not be afraid, The Lord your God is strong and with his mighty hand, when you call on his name, he will save you."
It wasn't all magic if I'm being honest. I still do not know how to swim, but I "hop " in water and I'm not afraid I'll be submerged.
I laugh at myself now, and quite often too. So if people laugh, that's okay too. I don't take myself too seriously in other words. I've come to accept that not everyone is going to like you. In fact, not many people will genuinely like you. And that's fine too. Know this and move on. In the past I'd find myself really inconveniencing myself to make someone else happy. I still stick out my neck once in awhile, but I don't kill myself over it. I do what I can, go the extra mile I'm able to, and just let it be.

People are going to reject you. Be it in the form of " sorry, but at the moment, you do not meet our requirements"..... Rejection will come. Brace up and take it all in your stride. I have, and I'm the better for it I guarantee you! Sometimes rejection is a good thing too. I have no examples but I know it can be. Positive thinking!
Failure is also not a bad thing entirely. It just means you had the courage to try. All you have to do is pick yourself up, and try again. I'm learning that just because I failed at something doesn't mean I'm a failure.
The fear of acceptance exists mainly in your head. Whether people accept you or not is their problem, not yours. I've accepted myself, flaws and all. It's just extra if you do. It is very liberating to love who you are.

Now, I'll never be a loud person, but I say exactly how I feel. When the opportunity presents itself, I
speak the truth in love. And I'm no longer afraid of how it would make me look. You don't have to be obnoxious and rude to be bold. As gentle a dove but firm and true to who you are also works! I'm not afraid to try new things, if I'm not good at it, I'll try something else. I'm meeting new challenges one day at a time, worrying about nothing but praying about everything. My life has never been better.

It is natural to have little fears, however, I do not allow them to dictate how I live my life. The only legitimate fear I have now, is the fear of The Lord.

One of my favorite gospel songs is "imagine me" by Kirk Franklin. It just ministers to my spirit. There's a line where he says " thank you God for allowing me to see myself the way you see me."

My name is Maureen and fear doesn't live here... Anymore.






"You are enough,
You have enough,
You do enough".